Happy New Moon babes!
Holy SHIT the two weeks between the full moon lunar eclipse and today have been monumental. I feel like I went through a portal as I sat hypnotized by the red face of the moon that night, and the lone bat that flew directly overhead during that moment brought me so much wisdom and clarity that helped me make sense of the severe headaches, emotional inner dissolving, and call to truly step into my power that followed.
As those of you darlings that I'm connected to on Instagram may have read, this means that I am ready to start focusing on writing and teaching, two callings that I always knew were waiting for me when the time was right.
I've started putting together an online herbal medicine course. My vision is to offer a class on Root Medicine this fall, Tree Medicine this winter, Leaf Medicine in the Spring, and Flower Medicine in the summer. I've got the content in my head and on paper, now I just need to figure out how to get it out into the world! Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. (Oh and please take a few minutes to fill out my survey, if you can. It will help me know more about what direction we'd all like to move toward together and how I can help facilitate that).
On the writing front, I've long wanted to put up a post about one of the most important books in my life, Sex At Dawn. I read it a couple years ago, and it immediately confirmed every secret belief I've had about relationships since I was an adolescent. That jealousy is not the mark of true love, that most humans are not naturally monogamous, and that the cultural narrative that insists we are causes massive amounts of pain and confusion- from the witch burnings to female genital mutilation to the ostracization of those who follow their natural instinct to connect with another outside their marriage.
The book does not condone "polyamory", it doesn't give any advice on how we should conduct our personal lives, it does not seek to turn our society into one giant key party. It's a cultural, historical, biological, anthropological, evolutionary look at the innate sexuality of the human animal. As Duncan Trussell said in his first podcast with Dr. Chris Ryan, who co-wrote the book with his wife Cacilda Jetha, if anything the book is a guilt and shame reducer- it lets you know that those feelings you have had for people outside of your relationship are totally natural to our species. I highly recommend listening to this podcast to get an idea of the book, if you'd like to do that before you buy it. Chris has his own fantastic podcast too (which I've posted about before), Tangentially Speaking.
I was lucky enough to meet him when I was in Portland this summer for the Float Conference (I blogged about floating here). It continues to blow my mind that I have been able to meet some of my favorite authors in this life, and Chris was no exception. Although he was the only one I didn't ask to sign a copy of their book, because I didn't have mine with me! What I do have is the Paleomodern shirt that he gave me that night- I am wearing it in the picture at the top of this post.
Ever since I was pregnant- long before the "paleo" craze hit- it has made sense to me to try and live a life that honors the lineage of the human family. I had a natural childbirth, I breastfed, I'm an omnivore, I practice herbal healing. And respecting the ancient origins of human sexuality is a part of that (hunter-gatherer societies are by and large non-monogamous, and we were hunter-gatheres for 95% of human history).
I was able to tell Chris that night how his book has been revolutionary among my group of women friends here in Grass Valley. We all read it, and we all resonated with it so deeply. 90% of the married mothers I know yearn for connection with people outside of their marriage. Women, it turns out, are even less monogamous than men (which I learned in the mind blowing book What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire by Daniel Bergman- yes, it's SCIENCE that says that women are naturally more inclined to seek novelty and variety than men, despite centuries of a cultural narrative that has told us otherwise). Reading Sex At Dawn helped the women in my community to realize that the lack of desire they felt for their husbands- after years of being together, raising kids, sharing household responsibilities, etc.- was totally normal and natural and need not be the cause of divorce. Many of them have "opened up" their relationships in conscious and ethical ways, and all of them are happier for it.
In turn, Chris told me a story that another reader had told him. A couple that had been married for decades and had teenage children was having their roof replaced, and the wife developed a strong attraction to the roofer. It eventually became so overwhelming that she told her husband about it, and they decided to divorce. She and the roofer got together and had a great time. She and her ex-husband met once a month to discuss the kids, and at one such meeting about a year after the divorce she mentioned that she had just read Sex At Dawn. He said he had too! Through the conversation that followed, they realized that there could be room in their lives for their relationship AND her desire to be with another man. So they got remarried, stitched their family back together, she continued fucking the roofer, and everyone's happy!
This is the kind of openness and healing that can happen when people understand the true nature of human sexuality and can talk about it in an honest and respectful way. And yes, for sure, some people really do love monogamy and do great within that framework. No one is claiming otherwise. What this book proposes though is that as a whole the human species is not monogamous. I, for one, though I have continued to practice monogamy since reading it (but have enjoyed supporting many friends and their husbands through their explorations into non-monogamy!) have felt great relief in knowing that my desires are completely natural to my species.
I hope this post gives you something to contemplate on this quiet New Moon in sexy Scorpio.